The B.A.T., Taking Over Where the Masons Left Off
Ah, the B.A.T. The Back Alley Tabernacle. It’s a place on the interweb where only the glorious gather. I’ve been asked to join the B.A.T. and I have to tell you, it’s made my decade, this inclusion among the illuminated. Just yesterday my membership package arrived. Inside, the B.A.T. beltbuckle (gives you a 5% discount at all Agent Provacateur and Ace Hardware locations), the assorted membership material, and best of all - the secret handshake.
As a B.A.T. agent, I’m expected to contribute articles from time to time. My first, where I gush thank yous to Charlton Heston (”How Charlton Heston Snapped Me Back into Circle Jerk 2008″ IS HERE.
My latest is below.
“An Evening with Super Smart and Engaging Paul Saffo”
So I went to a lecture last night in San Francisco put on by Stewart Brand’s Long Now Foundation. The featured speaker was the much-celebrated futurist Paul Saffo. A Harvard teacher, Saffo writes for Foreign Policy, The Washington Post, ABCNews.com, and in the near future, The Back Alley Tabernacle. Check him out. He’s incredible. Watching him talk and forecast, one can practically hear his brain whirring and clicking. It felt like being in the college classroom I dreamed about but never experienced. The one where everyone in the room is smart, beautiful and motivated. The one where you leave class feeling hopeful about the future instead of depressed.I also left inspired to make some predictions of my own about life in the U.S.. Here they are:
1. Roomba robot vacuum cleaner owners will finally realize they were/are lazy fucktards for spending hundreds of dollars trying to avoid a ten-minute chore. By the end of 2009, Roombas will be common yard sale items, shoved in milk crates next to singing plastic trout and copies of The DaVinci Code.
2. Before 2010, there will be a mobile phone backlash among 15-25 year olds. Realizing owning phones only makes them trackable conformists in a too-networked society, they will rally at bonfires to burn their iPhones and celebrate their freedom. Dozens will perish inhaling heavy metal fumes. The resulting use of protective dust masks will spawn a fashion revolution that will pave the way for the adoption of Muslim hijabs. As a result of this apparent mass conversion to the words of The Prophet, tensions between the West and Muslim nations will decrease significantly.
3. Hillary Clinton will CONTINUED AT B.A.T….
Tags: Ruminations