It’s no longer a matter of when oil hits $100/barrel, but when (as of this writing, it sits at an all-time record $90). So why not celebrate the occasion?

I propose we have an international day of celebration (likely next week), a GRAND OIL PARTY, when prices hit triple digits. You bring the beer, I’ll bring the rum, my Sonoma County neighbors will bring the wine. It’ll be a damned fine time. We’ll meet at my house, then go back to our respective countries to spread the joy.

Why, you ask, should we be celebrating something that, when combined with the fading U.S. dollar, will usher in a massive global recession? BECAUSE I NEED AN EXCUSE TO PAR-TAY!! Okay, that’s not it. Because now we know, absolutely and fo’ sho’, that Peak Oil is upon us. The ties that bind us to petroleum are now to be thrown off once and for all. It will be an ugly transition (Read THIS BOOK to get a solid picture of this), but one that will ultimately bring humanity closer to a sustainable future.

IT’S THE END OF THE (OIL-FUELED) WORLD AS WE KNOW IT, AND I FEEL LIKE FINE!

Okay. Seriously. Wait for the ticker to read $100 and then come on over. I’ll have juice and tea for the non-drinkers (I’m usually only good for one drink, if that, so don’t think I’ll be judging you if you don’t imbibe. Andi makes amazing Dark & Stormy’s however . . .)

To recap -

WHAT: GRAND OIL PARTY

WHEN: THE MOMENT NYMEX CRUDE FUTURES REACH $100 (next week?)

WHERE: FIRST MY HOUSE, THEN THE WORLD! (Contact me for location info)

Oh, and BRAD and ANGELINA . . .I know you’re getting the short end of the stick from everyone these days, but you’re both still on my SuperStarsWhoGiveADamn A Team. You’re totally invited. Bring the kids as they’ll love my boy, Justice.

Now go forth and SPREAD THE WORD!!! IT’S THE PARTY OF THE DECADE!!!!

*Republicans: Do forgive the image. I’m absolutely non-partisan, but it fits the theme of the post too well.

(Coming Soon: $100 OIL “WHEN WILL IT HIT” POOL. $10/entry. Winner take all!)

Could this finally be the beginning of the end for fur coats? It would seem that high fashion’s top strategists are shitting bricks over the lack of definitive seasonal changes. Now that a warming planet has melted sharp distinctions between the seasons, couture designers ’round the world are hiring eco-advisors for advice and help (Mr. Bahama? Give me a call.).

Check this article out: FASHION INDUSTRY IN DIRE STRAITS

From my personal fashion advisor, Beppe:

“The whole fashion system will have to change,” Beppe Modenese, founder of Milan Fashion Week, told The New York Times last week.

“The fashion system must adapt to the reality that there is no strong difference between summer and winter any more… You can’t have everyone showing four times a year to present the same thing. People are not prepared to invest in these clothes that, from one season to the other, use the same fabrics at the same weight.”

Mr Modenese’s comments came as New York fashion retailers blamed a prolonged “Indian summer” for poor autumn sales. Who needs a woollen pea coat when it is 30 degrees-plus?

Believe me when I tell you that Beppe has been in a perpetual tizzy since Resort ‘06. Thank god Linda Loudermilk is going to save us all (it’s hard to drip thick enough sarcasm via a blog, but I tried really hard with that last sentence.)

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[tags]fashion, climate change, fur, fur coat, linda loudermilk[/tags]

What me worry about the environment? Why bother when the ENTIRE WORLD is being rebuilt from scratch.

Off the coast of Dubai.

CHECK IT OUT. I strongly urge you to watch the “Residence Tour.”
Thank god the world’s wealthiest are taking care of business, know what I’m sayin’?

[tags]dubai, the world, islands, end of the world is nigh, bizarre dredging, hubris, folly[/tags]

Some more great news!

It appears that damned ice cap that has been blocking the long sought Northwest Passage is finally out of the way. Last year, scientists thought it would take another twenty years to melt the annoying stuff, but fortunately for world travelers, things are gettin’ hot in a hurry!

This is GREAT news for those of us who, like myself, prefer to summer in Norway and winter in Japan. Now our cruise ships will only have to travel half the distance! Clearly, those shrill eco-warrior pussies have no idea how much prettier the northern hemisphere is without all the ice.

Read out about the incredibly rapid melting of the Arctic ice HERE.

I’ve decided to take the new Conservative approach to climate change. That is, I’m going to try to look on the bright side. Thus, this is the first in what will be an intermiitent series of “Global Warming BENEFIT!” posts.

For several years, Japanese researchers have been working toward the resurrection of the long-extinct woolly mammoth. They’ve even started building a Jurassic Park-style theme park - details of which can be found in this archived article.

A stumbling block, however, has been access to the remains of the estimated millions of frozen mammoth carcasses that have been well-preserved in the Siberian permafrost. Recently, however, with the advent of a benign global warming trend, this permafrost has been melting and rather obligingly offering up scores of new prehistoric corpses for DNA extraction. Thanks to God’s plan for a bucolic, tropical Earth, we may see woolly (shaved for comfort, of course) mamoths frolicking in a zoo new near you within twenty years!

And, of course, the musical tie-in:

The Elephant Song