How long ago did you get sick of it? I mean really sick of it? She was rich, she wanted to be famous, and she achieved her goal. End of story, right? Not by a long shot, not even close. Now she wants, in her own words, to be compared to Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana. What? And in Hilton’s quest for tabloid immortality, she has gone way, way, way over the edge.

There are so very many good people who are working tirelessly to help make the world a better place. Paris Hilton, simply by occupying so much media space with her empty presence, works in direct opposition to these efforts. I ask only that she switches off her vapidity vacuum for 24 hours, to allow some light back into the universe.

I suspect that part of the problem is that Ms. Hilton may be functionally illiterate, thus unable to fully appreciate or promote many of the progressive ideas that are flourishing as the world faces a host of critical social and environmental crises. Appropriately, one of these social problems is functional illiteracy, which afflicts over 30 million U.S. citizens. The assumption that only those among the lowest socioeconomic castes are plagued with illiteracy is absolutely misplaced. If I’m right, I encourage Ms. Hilton to face her problems publicly and in so doing become a role model for many like her who feel deeply shamed for not being able to read the morning paper.

You know what, though? I could be entirely wrong about this girl. Her whole act? It could be just that, an act. Maybe she’s shockingly bright and dedicated, privately, to a life of philanthropy. Either way, I say let her prove me wrong. I hereby challenge Paris Hilton (you are reading this, right Paris?) to a public reading of Lester Brown’s Plan B 2.0: Rescuing a Planet Under Stress and a Civilization in Trouble. If I’m wrong, I’d like to offer a very public stage on which Ms. Hilton can force me to eat my words while simultaneously becoming a real hero by promoting a book that trumps the Holy Bible in significance.

I could, however, be wrong about how I’m being wrong. Maybe you’re not secretly smart and dedicated to helping right global wrongs. Maybe, just maybe, you are entirely self-absorbed and don’t give a damn about anyone or anything outside your shallow and entirely ephemeral personal “empire”.

Either way, Paris, give my people a call. Set me straight. We can settle this thing celebrity-to-celebrity, with a little help from my man, our man, Lester Brown.

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The most significant book you’ve read or I will buy it back from you at full purchase price: Lester Brown’s Plan B 2.0 Trust me on this one, just order it. You’ll thank me later.

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This entry was posted on Friday, September 15th, 2006 at 11:55 am and is filed under Fame. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.