Divorce, the Planet Killer
Turns out that fighting over the Prius isn’t just petty, it’s bad for the Erth. Divorce may help your sanity but it will torch the planet.
Here’s the lead-in:
As if going through a divorce was not stressful enough - now researchers are saying marriage break-ups are bad for the environment.
A survey of 12 countries shows that rising divorce rates around the world has resulted in more households with fewer people in them.
This escalates the use of resources like water, land and energy, leading researchers to declare that divorces lead to less sustainable lifestyles.
Check out the rest of this illuminating article (CLICK ME).
Choice quote from above: “People have been talking about how to protect the environment and combat climate change, but divorce is an overlooked factor.”
I feel like such an asshole. Had I known, the world would be in slightly less peril, while I would be suffering stoically.
My hope is that divorce rates will plummet among the rest of the eco-conscious crowd, once they get wind of this. In turn, they’ll outbreed the rest and their innumerable descendants will rectify the wrongs of past generations. Too bad eco-couples don’t pop out many babies. We need to swiflty bring the Mormons into the fold. And the Mexican Catholics. We’ll have Amory Lovins or Lester Brown elected President by 2028.
Am I suggesting that eugenics can save us? Fuck yes I am.
Hmmm, I’ll have to think about this. As an attorney who mediates divorces, if there are no divorces, I won’t have an income, and I won’t be able to afford “Plan B” presents for Christmas.
Another interesting outcome of divorce is that children of amicable divorces typically grow up less happy than children of unhappy marriages, based on a longitudinal study of children of divorce in Marin County. The major reason? Divorced parents don’t commit to helping their children get a college education. My advice to divorcing couples? Commit in writing, submitted to the court to make it an order, to helping your kids get to college.
Oh Gail! You know better than to use Marin County as any sort of proper bellwether! My counselor told me it was the exact opposite … but it used to be that Sonoma County was different than Marin. Now it’s the same bunch of motherfuckers!
What?
“The major reason? Divorced parents don’t commit to helping their children get a college education.”
As a product of a less than exemplary marriage of two uneducated parents, I can attest that the college commitment lays at the feet of the student. If one wants to get the education, he will get it with or without his parents’ financial backing. Believe it or not, one can still work (scary word of the day) or borrow one’s way through college. Similarly, studies notwithstanding, one’s lack of happiness also lays at one’s own feet. It is time for the psycho-babblers to quit laying the blame for everyone’s ills on the parents’ doorsteps.
I will agree that a young child’s happiness is tied to his parent’s marital stability; not bliss. Yes, parental conflict has negative effects, but they pale in comparison to separating the union and creating a court-arranged dual-custody tug-of-war with the kid(s) serving as the rope. However, once grown, the responsibility for being happy and/or educated should transfer to the young adult.
My apologies for any offense you may have taken, but marriage should be a big deal not entered into lightly. Both husband and wife have to be willing to sacrifice self for the other, or it just won’t last. Adding kids to the mix requires further self-sacrifice. If a person is not 100% sure that his/her needs rate low on the list, don’t get married.
BTW, did you notice that the article focused on the environmental drain of the one family, two households situation? It did not mention much about the increased away-from-home dining, the increased fuel consumption required to satisfy the judge’s custody arrangement, or the increased use of convenience foods that come in boxes and cook in the microwave. All require additional resources.
Bobby,
The researchers who came up with the results of the longitudinal study re success in children as measured by how they felt about their adult lives hardly strike me as “psycho-babblers.” They simply did the study and reported the results.
I, too, was raised by parents who didn’t make it through college and were not all that happy with each other. However, I believe that the stability they provided for me by staying together allowed me to be happy enough to accomplish whatever I wanted to, which included going to college. They also provided some financial support, which helped when I was taking 21 units per semester.
Gail,
Had you not been “happy enough to accomplish whatever” you “wanted” would the fault lie with your parents’ or yourself for not having the resolve to move beyond their inadequacies? Society, et al, generally wants to find the external causes of what ails the individual when the problem is often internal; possibly spiritual. Want or lack of self-determination is internal, not external.
@
I also took heavy course loads while in college and maintained part-time employment to make ends meet. When the part-time income starting falling short, I participated in cooperative education where one leaves school to work in his/her chosen field. I worked through the coop program for 4 semesters and 1 summer, which added 2 years and 1 semester to my BS degree. Had my parents been more financially supportive I probably would have finished in 3-1/2 years, but either way getting the education was of my own choosing and required personal effort. And I have no ill feelings towards them for not doing better for me.
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Additionally, a few years after I graduated, my home state came up with a program called TOPS that basically provides tuition to any student that keeps a B average. It’s taxpayer funded and I would have easily had a free ride. Amazingly, many smart kids squander this golden opportunity and drop out when the financial burden becomes their own. I wonder if they blame their parents for not picking up the tab that results from their own failures.
@
Later & Happy New Year!
Bobby,
You are more of a “boot strapper” than I am. I believe that parents should provide optimal opportunities for their kids to succeeed (in the best sense of the word, not tied to material acquisitions).
I’m all for children who can overcome hardships and succeed regardless of their backgrounds, but, as a mediator handling divorces, I encourage the parents who are going separate ways to commit to supporting their children’s college education.
Do you believe that hardship builds character and that it takes something away from a child’s upbringing to be raised in a stable environment that encourages college educations?
For me, this isn’t about blaming parents for what they didn’t do but to encourage parents who are divorcing to put their children’s best interests first even though they are going their separate ways. It’s just one facet of co-parenting that can survive a divorce.
Gail and Bobby -
Great exchange. Seems I’m missing a post by Bobby somewhere as there is a gap in the conversation. Nothing to add, really, aside from my story as you’ve both lended yours.
My ex and I have divorced and share custody. Was this a mistake? I can’t say that it was as I’m far happier, as is she, and our son is an absolute ray of light. I know that in the years to come he may suffer, but over the first five years, all is well. The hard part is yet to come. Fortunately, our divorce was not exceedingly bitter, we live but two miles apart, and can actually stand one another rather well.
I put myself through an inexpensive school. It took me eight years of part-time and more than full-time work, living in vehicles at times and sleeping through more than one class, but I did manage to complete my Religious Studies degree while maintaining strong grades despite utter exhaustion. That said, I don’t know that I would expect many to take the same path. It was awfully difficult and likely impacted my college experience negatively.
I think the best bet is to enter into renewable 5 to 10 year marriage contracts. At the end of the contract, the marriage dissolves peacefully. This way, one can rack up a ’successful marriages,’ and divorce rates will plummet. Makes sense, no?
Lastly, though I have an orange ‘Talk to Mr. Brilliant’ box on the right sidebar, not one person has taken advantage of this. Really hurts my feelings.
Sniff.
Gail
I do believe that properly dealing with hardship builds character. However, that is not to say that every free-ride college kid lacks character. Also, guaranteeing the college education would seem to require some sort of detailed two-way contract between the co-parent(s) and the student. How many times are the co-parent(s) expected to foot the bill for a “flakey” student? Since college students are adult individuals, poor perfermance should accelerate their getting off of the parental dole, right?
Tod
Like I said before, marriage is serious business. And if you believe like I do, it is a contract between a man, a woman, and God. I know that’s not popular these days, but it is the foundational definition of marriage. Regardless of the male/female aspect that gets so much attention these days, the thought of breaking a contract with the Almighty should be cause enough for serious reflection before taking the plunge. Also, a 5 to 10 year arrangement would still leave children in an unstable situation. Your co-parenting situation sounds about as ideal as it gets, and from past exchanges it is evident how much you and your ex love the child. Best of luck getting through his terrible teens.