Consider for a moment that an asteroid is about to strike the earth. Think about it for a second. Has it been a second? Do you have it in mind? Here, let me help: It’s twice the size of the moon and really rocky looking. Looks like it would hurt if you punched it. Make your knuckles bleed, even. Okay, you’ve fully considered this asteroid? Now, understand that it’s going to wallop our planet in two days. We can see it coming, a bright, growing ball of fire, visible day and night, headed right for us. Dogs howl, cats mewl, grandma calmly asserts that Judgment Day is nigh. Now imagine that we’re told that all we have to do to avert calamity (and judgment!) is BLOW–as hard as we can, all of us, all six billion Earth inhabitants, at the same time.

Don’t you think we’d organize somehow, across the globe immediately to make sure that every last one of us went PUFFFFFFF! or WHOOOF! or however people blow in foreign lands, at the given time? Damned straight we would. We’d have billions of people, from the Congo to Iceland, from Wichita to Istanbul, puffing like mad to blow that asteroid off course.

I know it’s silly to talk about Read the rest of this entry »

Confession time: I’m addicted to pinball. It’s Friday night, I’ve sixteen quarters in my right front pocket and rather than cuddle with my girl and watch movies or read obscure historical treatises to one another, I’m going to abandon the roost and head off to a rumored new machine in town.  I really do love the incline plane, the smooth wood, the rolling ball.

It’s really just a simple bout with gravity, much like the one we fight daily, only compressed into a few rounds. Instead of legs or chairs or jet planes, one is given a pair of flippers. Every one of us loses the years long fight to the universal centrifuge…it’s refreshing to be reminded of the process. Pinball and a pint, then I turn in.

Fucking beautiful. No, really. Have you played? Have you really played? That’s it. That’s the Thing You Have to Do:

Go forth and play pinball. Then you’ll understand. Then you’ll know. If you’d like, tell me how you fared and what you learned. I’ll be here waiting, collecting your tales of wisdom. I know, it sounds like madness. Trust this stranger, if only one time.

It’s obvious, I know, but…it still rocks: [audio:Pinball Wizard.mp3]

HEADLESS IN SEATTLE
Photo/Story © 2007 Tod Brilliant
.
.
I decided right then and there to propose. No prepared speech. Not even a ring. She lay upon the grass, eyes closed against the sun, blissful. Looking at her relaxed features and slight smile, a surge of admiration and happiness swept through me. Perfectly curtained by auburn bangs, her soft freckled cheekbones and china white eyelids drew and held my attention. I savored the moment, beaming thoughts of coterminous future happiness into this delicate frame.

After a time, I lifted my gaze past the lush green of the park, beyond the adjacent inlet and to the low mushrooms of suburbs that lined the far bank. Perhaps, I thought to myself, we would one day settle among those homes and businesses to start a family. We spoke often of escaping Seattle’s urban core, excusing ourselves from the sterile right angles of our modern condominium Read the rest of this entry »

ZACH & SARAH HAPPEN TO VEGAS: A Quick Dialogue Exercise

Photo/Story © 2007 Tod Brilliant

So this one is kind of lame, and pretty gross. But…what the hell. We all have lame, gross moments.
.
EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

ZACH and SARAH stand on a Las Vegas sidewalk looking at a sign that reads “CHAPEL BY THE COURTHOUSE: WEDDINGS $40” in bold red letters.

Z: Do you want to do it?

S: No.

Z: Why not? It’s a good deal.

S: I just don’t want to get married.

Z: To me, or in general?

S: Both, I think. Maybe someday, but not right now. It’s too hot.

Z: For forty bucks you’re together for life. It’s a pretty good deal.

S: You can get Ginsu knives for twenty, and they’re guaranteed for life.

Z: Yeah, but they have plastic handles. They’re not human.

S: A good set of knives can do far more than a good husband.

Z: Like what? Read the rest of this entry »

Big thanks to Larry O of ENTERMODAL (You understand the convention, no? When I link to a site, as I’ve just done with ENTERMODAL, you’re expected to not only click through, but support the linked organization/business/individual) for turning me on to Matt Ruff’s “Sewer, Gas & Electric”. It may well be the most entertaining surrealistifiction novel I’ve read this decade.

The title of this post is just one of a glittering trove of grand nuggets I’ve extracted to date. Pretty much sums up the entire eco-movement, if you axe me - which you didn’t, now did you? You did? Well, next time ask me via email, as my psychic powers are limited to a 50km range, give or take a few hundred meters.
This brief description spells things out fairly well:

Sewer, Gas & Electric is the exuberant Read the rest of this entry »